Lee says showing your partner, instead of directly telling them, is another good way to ask for what you want in bed. Everyone deserves to have a healthy and satisfying sex life, and the first step to making that happen is getting to know yourself, sexually. My husband and I got married just eight weeks after our first date, but the speed didn't matter for our sex life: Sussing out what you want from sex might seem a bit nerve-wracking at first, but it's actually pretty straightforward. I'm tired of making love and doing things gently all the time. It's just that there are certain things many women really want in bed that aren't common knowledge and, for most guys, unless you ask her outright, these things usually won't come up. For others, figuring out what they want in bed is a process. Threadgill says this works for a lot of women, because it's less nerve-wracking: It can be as crazy or weird as you would like because it's your free space. But if you came of age surrounded by a less-than-positive sex education, it might not be as simple. Make Sure You Connect Outside The Bedroom When a couple isn't connecting well outside of the bedroom, it's hard for the sex to flow well. Two of them made my Morality Police, irascible Jacques and Ferrar, take note. What part of that story set you on fire? What was it that made that scene so exciting? I was raised Mormon, so my psychological, sexual landscape has definitely been impacted by the sexual repression in that culture leaving me to to frequent battle with the Morality Police, priggish Jacques and Ferrar, that live inside my head. However, sometimes we have fantasies that we may or may not actually enjoy IRL, so according to Fehr, it's important to stay really tuned-in when experimenting with something new.